My Broken Heart

Most of us get our heart broken at one time or another by love or sin or some combination of both.  And, with God's grace, most of us get over those seasons and God heals our heart.

My broken heart is a little different.  Some of you know what I am talking about.  I have the kind of broken heart meant to never get healed.

In 2008, my husband and I took my precious sister on a trip to Uganda.  She was turning 40 and this was her big adventure and ours.  We went to visit many friends we had made the year before through our work with the African Children's Choir and their U.S. home, Mirembe House (more about that later).

And, of course, while on this trip we went on the obligatory safari.  Just Uganda itself is a safari of the most amazing kind, but we took in the usual tourist package to a game park and saw many of God's awesome creatures. 

The last day of this trek, we were stopped by the side of the road to view some wild chimps living in the trees.  Anywhere one stops in Uganda in a motor vehicle, children will surely find you.  Remember, this is a country where 50% of the residents are children.  A country the size of Oregon that has 10% of all the orphans IN THE WORLD.

So, naturally, when we returned to our parked car from the forest trail, a small group of children were waiting to see us.

By this point in the trip, I had learned a few things about the children in this place.  Children who are in school, which means they have food and care, look like this.

Even though their uniforms might be tattered, someone is caring for those children.  Even if it is an orphanage.  They are enrolled in school.  They are getting at least one meal per day.

But children by the side of the road, without shoes, with dirty ill-fitting clothes, most likely are totally on their own.  These type of children may not have eaten in days.  They sleep in makeshift shelters and try to survive.

I think the expression on the boys' faces tells the story.  So here we were, rich Americans in our safari car with our expensive cameras, paying hundreds of dollars to spot a wild chimp.  And here they were.

It was too hard to just drive away, so we tried to entertain them for even a moment.  These kids didn't speak English, but if you've never seen a photo of yourself, it's pretty amazing the first time.

I was desperate to give them something, but it was the end of the day and we had no food left in our truck.  We were heading back into town to have a nice, big post-safari dinner at our fine hotel.  So I dug around in my legendarily enormous travel sachel hoping to find something, anything.  All I had was one sorry mint.  You know this mint...it's the one at the bottom of your purse, with some foil on it, that has been down there for ages gathering lint.

With one mint and four children, I did all I knew to do.  I gave it to the smallest one, the little girl.  AND THAT IS WHEN IT HAPPENED.  The moment that changed my life forever.  She bowed.

In the Ugandan culture, children are taught to show adults the utmost respect.  One of the ways they show that honor and respect is to kneel, with the head bowed, when receiving a gift -- as a gesture of appreciation.  This tiny girl, not more than four of five, had the manners of a royal princess.  She was dirty, hungry and tattered, and her parents were likely gone.  There had been little in life that they could give her, but they had given her the gift of manners.  And so, when presented with a piece of candy from a stranger, she bowed.

I felt my heart shatter.  All the iniquities, all the unfairness, all the disparity of her life and mine were crystalized in that moment.  She got on her knees in the dusty road in exchange for a stale mint, as if I had given her a great prize. 

We got in the car and drove away.  We went to our hotel and had that feast.  But my heart, my whole being, was changed forever by that moment. 

Kay Warren, wife of Pastor Rick Warren, is often quoted as saying her experiences in Rwanda left her "seriously disturbed" for the orphan.  So, although I have not yet met Kay, I know she and I are in a unique club of people.  Those that God has given broken hearts for the orphan.  I know many of you reading this have your own moment, the one you can't take back, the one that permanently broke your heart.  I pray God's peace and conviction over you.  He broke our hearts for His purposes, just as Christ was broken for us.  Let us walk together with our permanently broken hearts and receive His plans. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18